How To Tell If You Are Possessed By A Demon

By Reap Paden

- the toilet paper in your bathroom is made of bible pages

- your dog has hooves

- when the power goes out your the only one carrying black emergency candles around

- all your furniture is covered with clear plastic over the 'rotting flesh' patterned fabric

- country music doesn't seem so bad

- chris moon keeps calling tryin to 'work a deal'

- you have a welcome mat that reads 'Home is where the suffering and sorrow is'

- you get a horn trimmer as a gift

- that damn sunburn just won't seem to go away

- At your kids birthday party they play 'pin the nail on the savior' and  the pinata is baby jesus

- on christmas you go around knocking on doors and asking for candy

- when you get drunk, the room doesn't spin, your head does

- Whenever someone uses the lords name in vain you get all
'tingly'

- the only channel you get on the TV is that damn 700 club and the All Tyra channel

- you can start the barbecue pit with your finger

- the last time it rained at your house was 43,000 years ago

- all your neighbors are jerks, and they are always screaming

- god won't return your calls